Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire

Yahoo! It's that time of year again!

I will unavailable for the next several days as I'll be in Washington DC attending
Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire, hanging out with good friends and like-minded freaks, living, loving, learning, networking my well-spoken butt-off, promoting my book, and filming two workshops for the Kink Academy. In early March, I'll blog about the experience, who I met, what I learned, etc.

In the meantime - I've just given you some links to check out, haven't I?

Enjoy the adventure,


M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

Monday, February 22, 2010

America's Sexuality Day 2010

America’s Sexuality Day

Honoring Your Sex on the Anniversary Sex was Censored

.. arts.. education.. policy.. life...

You read my blog! Therefore, I'll assert that you are someone who has a commitment to sexual freedom and health, to the well being of humanity and the role that sex plays in it. Accordingly, I invite you to take a part, even a small one, in America's Sexuality Day on March 3, 2010. While additional information follows, the gist is this...

America's Sexuality Day is a day to celebrate sex - YOUR sex - however you choose to have it - or not to have it if your choice is celibacy! It is a day for expanding awareness and inquiry into the role of sexuality in our lives, in our society, in our relationships, minds and hearts. A day to note that censorship is very much alive, and a day to have intentional conversations about what sex means - even with those whose views might not match ours.

I invite you to do one or more of the following:

1) Schedule a gathering of friends or strangers to celebrate America's Sexuality Day. Throw a BBQ. Watch a sexy movie and hold a discussion. Follow the example of Portland-based ErosFest NW and hire belly dancers to precede a snuggle party.

2) Have intentional conversations about sex on March 3rd - you could even make a game out of it and see how many you can have! Or just talk with a friend or lover - even the small steps matter.

3) Blog, tweet and post about this event now and on March 3rd.

4) Become a fan of America's Sexuality Day on Facebook (

5) Donate to the cause. We need funding to pay for our 501(c)3 process, for space to announce ourselves at the Press Club in DC, and more.

If you agree to take on at least one of the above, PLEASE declare your commitment on the Facebook page! We can show the world that we're taking a stand for sexual free speech, and that we're taking action.

This is just the start. An international coalition for Sexuality Days in other countries has already met. We're in communication with the Sex Parties in Canada and in Australia, and we're not stopping there! (If you would like to create a Sexuality day in your country, we welcome you!)

Join us. EVERY conversation makes a difference.

Wishing you great conversations and great sex,


Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Kinky Toybag Tour - Fur

Okay, all of you PETA people, back the hell off! No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog.

Now that we've covered two sharp and scratchy toys, let's look at something sensual and soothing.

Now, I know, this is a touchy area for some people - I too have strong feelings about animal rights - but the truth is that there is nothing that feels like real fur. Luxurious, short or long haired, soft, smooth, sometimes oily... nothing compares to the sensation of real fur along bare skin. This is particularly true when the aforementioned skin has been sensitized with scratchy vampire gloves, pointy wheel-based pinpricks, or even an intense massage from the skilled hands of a friend or lover.

Given my love for most furry 4-legged creatures, I recommend looking for your fur in antique or used-clothing stores. Mink stoles, fox collars, rabbit fur gloves, lynx hats, sable boas - there are
many products that offer you the use of their wonderful fur without increasing demand for fresh pelts, and they can be acquired for less than you might expect.

I just found a vintage fur collar on Ebay with one day remaining, no bids, for $20. But when you buy online, you can't handle the merchandise before purchase, and isn't that part of the fun? You're buying fur for cripes sake! If you have a partner to tease, I recommend making the shopping trip part of the anticipation... capitalist foreplay. Find your local antique shops and take a tour. Who knows what you'll find?

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Kinky Toybag Tour - Whartenberg Wheel

Staying in the line of scratchy and pokey sensations, the Whartenberg Wheel, also known as a Wartenberg Pinwheel, is a medical tool that has been corrupted for kinky fun. You may have seen one before - a stainless steel handle attached to a spiky pinwheel that's used to test reflexes. Imagine a scene from ER or House where the doctor pulls something out of his pocket and runs it along the patient's instep, looking for a response to the stimulation.

The Whartenberg wheel achieves maximum sensation with minimal pressure - a whole line of sharp, pokey pinpricks on any chosen area of the body. Across the bare back, down the spine, under the palm, the sole of the feet, across the nipples, under the chin, over the cheekbone... you barely need to apply any pressure to elicit a variety of shivers, squeaks or moans. Increasing the pressure intensifies the reaction, but please be careful on sensitive areas of the body and avoid puncturing the skin unless you have explicit permission to do so. (Avoid eyelids unless you are a highly-experienced player and be risk-aware!)

Start light and observe your partner's response. Find out where it feels good, where it hurts, where it feels... how? Let
them tell you. Then try increasing the pressure or varying your speed. You might run a slow and curvy line across their shoulder, down the back and around the curve of a hip, across the belly and up under a breast... and then hold the points under the crease of a breast and slowly press a little harder until they wince. Allow yourself to be inspired! Add a blindfold and hold back for several seconds, allowing the tension to build as they anticipate the incoming poke of the wheel... at... any... moment!

It's all about shared sensation, eh? On that note - use it on yourself before you use it on a partner so that you can get a feel for how hard is too hard... and then let them guide you. Everyone experiences sensation differently, and what may be pleasing for you may be beyond the pain threshold for them. Additionally, I recommend playing on bare skin as the wheel points can pull and snag fine fabrics.

You can acquire one of these babies with a lovely black leather sheath for just $15.95 at I highly recommend buying one with a sheath lest you risk reaching into your toy bag and Ouch!

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Kinky Toybag Tour - Vampire Gloves

Thus begins the first installment of my Kinky Toybag Tour. This series will walk you through the many varied items in my toybag - many of which were gifted to me by a very generous ex-fiance who married a non-kinky woman. Lucky me! And lucky you... here we go...

Vampire Gloves are one of the best gateway toys I've found. In other words, they are one of the most successful tools for introducing kinky toys to otherwise inexperienced or "vanilla" partners.

Why? Because vampire gloves, while a sensual toy, apply a type of sensation that we don't usually experience... Scratchy.

These gloves essentially have small tacks poking through the surface of the fingers and sometimes palms. If you like the feeling of having your back scratched, lightly or more heavily, you will adore the feeling of vampire gloves. In this case however, you are not dependent on the quality of the scratcher's nails, and you will experience multiple fine points of pin-prickly scratch over a wide area of skin.

You can press them into the flesh for one sensation, drag them lightly for another, press harder and drag for something more intense, or even spank lightly with them. They will not puncture the skin unless used with a lot of force, like slapping or hard squeezing.
The feeling of scrape over fleshy areas like the breasts and ass cheeks is very different than the feeling over thighs and arms, not to mention bony areas like the rib cage or jaw.

If you do get blood on them, you need to spray them down with an antiseptic disinfectant. Here's a great overview of safer kinky sex that includes a section on cleaning toys. However, given that the leather of the gloves is porous, getting them truly disinfected without damaging the material is VERY difficult, and I suggest you avoid truly rough play with this toy.

Kinklab's gloves with tacks only in the fingers, as shown, are relatively inexpensive, and can be purchased from LoverSource for $24.10 through Amazon. These same gloves sell for $40+ at other stores.

gloves also have tacks covering the palm, and while I've been unable to find my particular brand and style online, I have found these which can be purchased for $65 through

If you are open to dipping your toes in the realm of new sensation, Vampire Gloves are a great place to start.

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Ultimate Fellatio Tip #5 - Skeletal Skills

It's true - your skeletal deformation could become a BJ asset. Let me explain...

I ran a dental practice for over six years, and during that time I learned a lot. During my second year I learned about something called Tori. Tori appear as a skeletal response to areas of localized stress within your mouth.* Your jaw builds up extra bone in these areas of stress, to help stabilize the dental-skeletal system, leaving you with hard, bony lumps.

Run a fingertip along the inside of your lower jaw, just below your teeth, then along the jaw between your lip and your teeth. Are there any hard nodules or noticeable bumps? Those may be force-related tori. Repeat for the upper jaw, just because you should know what's going on in there! If you've got a lot of them, you might check out
this introduction to Neuromuscular Dentistry. Particularly if you also have headaches or migraines, clenching or grinding, broken or chipped teeth, neck, shoulder or back pain... but I digress.

I'm talking here about palatal tori which is a hard bony bump along the roof of your mouth. Press your tongue up against your front teeth, and run the tip of your tongue backwards towards your throat. Is there a hard bump there? I, having a palatal tori of my own, thought that everyone had one of these until I saw plaster models of a normal, smooth palate.

Use it if you've got it!
Just as you pressed your tongue against it, use your tongue to press the dick that you're blowing against that bump! With practice, you can acquire skill at adding that extra stimulation along the entirety of his shaft as he moves in and out of your mouth. You can also particularly work the head of his penis against that nub.

Who says skeletal deformity isn't a gift from the BJ Gods? This one certainly is.

*There is occasional disagreement within the dental community about the origin of palatal tori. Some believe it is force/stress-related, and others that it is genetic or non-stress-related. Seeing what I've seen, I tend to agree with the former position.

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Jargon of Swinging

Every area of specialty has a language of it's own. Here's a quick review of some of the terms and definitions that you may encounter in the world of swinging.
  • Soft Swap - A couple that engages in Soft Swap is generally interested in kissing and petting. They may or may not engage in oral sex, but full-body, full-nudity, full-penetration sex is off the menu.
  • Full Swap - A couple that describes themselves as Full Swap is into the full range of physical, sexual activities. Anal sex must always be explicitly negotiated, and you can never assume that either one of them is bi-sexual. Otherwise, you can generally take it that they're open to the full range of penetrative sex.
  • "Hall Pass" - I crossed this term on Lifestyle Lounge, and mention it here in case it has made the transition to the swing community at large. A Hall Pass would mean that one partner has the permission to play solo, without the other partner's involvement. For example - "I'm coming to town for a conference and have a hall pass. Who wants to play?"
  • On-Premises - An on-premises club or party is one that includes beds and/or rooms where you can get your sexy on with other attendees. Often there will be a dance area, a place for lounging, possibly a bar, and rooms for sexual engagement. Some rooms or areas will be structurally open to viewing by other attendees, some have viewing windows, and some are enclosed and private. Sometimes there's a time limit, implied or enforced, on how long you can occupy a room. The clubs that I've attended all supply condoms, sometimes packets of lube, and all supply clean sheets. When you leave the room, you strip the bed, and the next couple makes their bed with new sheets before they engage. It's a system of common courtesy and convenience.
  • Off-Premises - An off-premises club or party is one where you've got to take your freak elsewhere. It may be a dance club or a bar rented out for that evening, or a single hotel room, but there may be limits on the level of nudity and sexual play. You can meet, greet, snuggle, flirt, dance, and possibly pet lightly, but once you decide that you want to take it further, go get a room of your own.
Are you open to soft or full swap? No swap? Would you ever give your partner a hall pass? Would you rather attend and on-premises or off-premises event? Interesting questions to consider, eh? Until you actually consider them - REALLY consider them - you only think you know the answers.

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Etiquette of Swinging

Have you ever wanted to visit a swinger's club?

I've recently been asked to lead a field trip to a local club for some curious newbies. (Parental permission slip NOT required.) Accordingly, let's conduct a brief introduction to the etiquette of swinging...

1) You don't have to do anything you don't want to do
Just because you're hanging out at a swinger's club doesn't mean that you want to get fucked. Many people are drawn to the openness of the swing community, the freedom to fully express themselves without concern or censure. We can talk about our jobs, the weather, politics, and we can talk openly about sex. We can kiss our friends, hug as tightly as we want, and snuggle with attractive acquaintances. Maybe you just want to dance and flirt! In my experience, as many people come for the company as for the hook-up, so there's no pressure to partake.

2) Dress appropriately
- Most swinger's clubs have a dress code. Know in advance the rules, and follow them. In general, be stylish, wear clothes that fit your shape and form. That said, many such clubs allow increasing levels of undress if you're willing to go there.Topless with a bikini bottom will likely work better than wearing torn jeans (which probably will keep you from getting in). Arrive fully clothed, and undress on site once you get a feel for the crowd.

3) Ask First
- Ask before you touch. Many people at such clubs will allow you to caress and fondle them if there's a certain level of interpersonal chemistry. Introduce yourself, and ask.

4) No means No
- Disregarding someone's No will see you booted out the door, and once black-listed in the swing community - good luck at finding willing play partners. You will not want to get with everyone there, and not everyone will want to get with you. Don't take it personally, just accept the 'No' or 'No thank you' graciously and move on.

5) Don't be creepy
- I laughed to see this directive at Portland's Club Sesso. What's creepy? Well, if I'm engaged in a public display of sex it would be normal for you to obseve and play a little pocket pool. Staring me down from two feet away and playing with your genitals while I'm having a drink at the bar with a girlfriend would be Creepy, get it? Fit your behavior to the context of the environment.

After that, enjoy yourself! Meet some people, have a drink, dance a little. Walk around and see who's doing what where. Let out your inner voyeur, or your inner exhibitionist. (Tabu Social Club in Catonsville, MD has two poles and a cage on their dance floor - how I miss them!)

You're likely to find that most swingers are normal, everyday people who like a little added sexiness in their lives. They have families, friends, pets, jobs, and concerns just like the rest of us. Let your guard down and you might make some
very good friends.

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -