Friday, May 14, 2010

Relationship Tip - Speaking Up

Speaking Up

You know how it is... there's something you need to say to someone, and the dialogue plays out in your mind. I'll say this, and then she'll say that, and then I'll say, and she'll say... and it seems reasonable. You've know her long enough to anticipate her responses pretty well, right? The way you see it, it's not going to be a pretty conversation, and someone's feelings could get hurt. Perhaps, says a small voice in your mind, you should keep it to yourself for now and wait for better timing.

Don't listen to that voice's advice! It may be out to keep you "safe," but safe does not always lead to happy and successful, and isn't that what you really want for your relationships?

Try this on for size:

1) Each time you hold off in sharing yourself fully - a concern, an indiscretion, an upset - you treat the other person like they're too weak to handle it. Essentially, you turn into Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men hollering, "You can't handle the truth!" Chances are that they're stronger than you think.

2) You also allow yourself to think that you know how they'll react. I know, you have all of your history together to tell you how they'll respond, but people can surprise you. When you hold yourself back, you deny them the chance to do just that.

3) Are you sure that you're anticipating their reactions? Often, we imagine a response that we're afraid to receive, even one that happened years ago with someone else, and apply it to our current situation. It feels like our current partner might say no, or respond harshly, but in fact, it was someone long ago who said such a thing, and we've yet to forgive them and/or ourselves.

Humans - we are such amazing creatures!

So the next time that you find yourself holding back, thinking about the response you want to avoid, the likely behavior of your partner, or trying to shelter their feelings, take a deep breathe, admit to your fears, and speak up.

Incredible relationships take incredible courage, and they're worth it.

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

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