Friday, January 8, 2010

Anal Sex for the First Time - Part 1

I recently had a client who was considering trying anal sex for the first time. During the course of our discussions, I realized that I had a lot to say about it, so here we go...

This first blog will cover pre-sex preparation and negotiations. Part 2 will discuss the physicality of the act itself.

First, for the penetrators - you can't just slap on some lube and ram it in there and expect a good result with an anal virgin. That's a fairly sure way to guarantee that you never get to go there with that partner again. (Unless she/he is a masochist!) Taking some thoughtful steps in advance will set you both up for a successful and satisfying experience.
  • Proper Hygiene
It's the rare person who's attracted to an ass that smells like… ass. Proper hygiene will ease the emotional tension when engaging in ass play for the first time.

Obviously, wash thoroughly. You might even use a warm water enema several hours in advance of intended play. You can by an enema or douche set-up at any good pharmacy - a bag that hangs from your shower head with a hose and nozzle.

Use warm water, hot enough but not scalding, and fill the bag. It's not necessary in most situations to add anything to the water. Insert the nozzle (they're smooth, it won't harm you), and release the clamp on the hose a little bit. You'll see the bag deflating, and you'll feel the water filling you up. If you get a cramp, stop the flow. If you've never had an enema before, don't try to flood a whole bad of water into your butt in one go. This is not a race, and you don't have to use the whole bag full! Listen to your body and err on the side of caution.

Once you've finished filling yourself up, remove and wash the nozzle, let the bag drain, and get out of the shower. Try to keep the water in for as long as you can. You'll feel the urge to defecate, that internal pressure that says you've gotta go Now. Try to keep it in for as long as you can, which allows the warm water to soften any backed up stool, but when you can't take it any more, expel it into the toilet. Flush a couple of times during this process. It could take 10+ minutes - have a book on hand.

Again, do this several hours in advance! Periodic leakage after an enema is common as the water works it's way fully back out.

For the penetrating partner, I suggest and request that you trim and file your nails and moisturize your hands, or get a manicure. There's nothing like a scratchy fingernail and rough skin rasping one's sensitive anal tissues - yikes.

When playing with women, there must be NO direct anal to vaginal penetration! Either use a condom in the ass and strip it off before entering her vaginally, or (even better) give yourself a thorough wash before moving to the vagina. The bacteria from the anal channel can cause one hell of a vaginal infection, or a bladder infection, and neither one is particularly fun.
  • What are your intentions?
One sure way to ruin an otherwise successful session is to jump into it without setting a common intention in advance. If partner A thinks this is just an opportunity to "test the waters" while partner B thinks this is a full-on, mind-blowing, ass-fucking session… well, you can see the potential for disappointment, blame, upset, frustration, etc.

Discuss in advance what you'd each like to see happen during this session. In general, I recommend agreeing to the desires of the least adventurous party, and letting things stop there for the time being. He or she can always renegotiate to go further when that boundary is reached.

I also recommend that either partner be able to call a full-stop at any time. Of course, I always think this is advisable, but in this case it's particularly important to speak it aloud.
  • To orgasm or not to orgasm…
As part of the negotiations, I recommend discussing whether or not it's important that one or both parties achieve orgasm. It may be fine that you simply have a great experience without orgasm, or it may be important to one or both that someone cums. Does it have to happen during penetration? Can you add some toys to the mix? Be open to detaching the need for orgasm from the anal sex itself for this event - consider causing an orgasm through another method if there's pain or fear and anxiety present. You decide what works for both of you.
  • Anal Training - The Butt-Plug is Your Friend
Wearing a butt plug will help to tone your anal muscles and condition your anal sphincters (yes, there are two) to loosen up more quickly and allow for easier penetration. There are some small starters out there, and some intermediate sizes. You'll notice that they have rectangular bases. That's so you can walk while you wear them - the narrow length fits between your butt cheeks, while the length of the longer side helps guarantee that nothing's going to "slip inside" unexpectedly. (That's why I recommend using a real butt plug instead of something scavenged from the household.)

Here's one that's inflatable and made specifically for training, and here's one that has a vibrator inside! Wearing for an hour or three at a time, daily or every other day, will help make the session easier. Don't try to wear it overnight to start with, but you might wear it during non-anal sex, which adds some fun stimulation for both parties!

Again, Part 2 of this blog will give some how-to suggestions for the sex itself.

Recommended Reading:

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

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