Friday, January 8, 2010

Anal Sex for the First Time - Part 2

In Part 1 of this series we discussed conversations, expectations, and physical preparation in advance of the event. As promised, and with the disclaimer that these are simply my suggestions, and that I suggest that you read some additional articles and/or books on the topic, here are some suggestions for how to engage in anal sex for the first time.
  • Warming up the ass
Many first-timers are very sensitive about their assholes. We've been culturally and societally conditioned that anal contact is dirty, nasty, bad and wrong. But do you know how many nerve endings are back there?!

To acclimate a sensitive partner to anal contact, begin with licking on and around the receiving partner's anus. If he/she has observed the hygiene guidelines from Part 1, it won't taste bad. After licking and penetrating with your tongue, you can move to fingers on the outside of the anus. Apply a gentle pressure and lightly rub the area.
  • Lube, lube, lube…
As soon as you're ready to penetrate with fingers, add some lube. Spit is okay, but an actual lube is much better. I recommend staying away from lubes like Anal-Ese or Anal-Eze, anything with a numbing agent in it. Sure, it sounds like a helpful idea, but I'd rather feel what's going on with my body than be numbed and hurt myself.

NOTE - Do NOT touch the actual opening of your bottle of lube with the fingers you've had in someone's ass unless you will only use that lube in that person's ass from here out. Otherwise you risk contaminating the contents, or so I've been told. Just hold the outside of the bottle and drip it onto your fingers, or use a pump bottle. And wipe the bottle down afterward, please.

Anal lubes are generally thicker than vaginal lubes, and while Astroglide Gel has been recommended, I find that it gets sticky too quickly. You might try the Astroglide Glycerin. Personally, I like Pjur. It's my favorite everything lube. Pjur also makes AnalyseMe! and Back Door, for women and men respectively, but I haven't tried them. (I've ordered them though out of my commitment to provide the very best possible information for you... tee hee.)

It's also important to 'push' lube into your partner's ass instead of only slathering it on yourself or your strap-on. That said, holy crap, look what I found! Despite my feelings about Astroglide Gel, that's too cool. Using another product though, just continually add lube as you do the following...
  • Graduated stages
Start with a pinkie finger slowly inserted and pull to the sides of the anus, stretching the sensitive flesh. In, stretch, out, in, stretch, out. Soon you can move to an index finger, in, stretch, out, in, stretch, out. You may be able to try two fingers at the same time, it depends on your partner's comfort level. Toys, such as butt plugs, are also great tools for slowly loosening up your partner. And a little extra vibration can be nice too, so consider the battery operated versions. For men, there's prostate massage. But I'll write a full blog post on that another time…
  • Ready for the show?
Lube up and go slowly! In and hold. In further and hold. Give your partner time to adjust before pulling out again - the combination of width and friction can be overwhelming. Again, take it slowly to start, and be sensitive to the receiver's response. One trick you can use is that if she/he is very sensitive, to the point of pain, you can try adding additional stimulation by pinching the nipples or using a vibrator on her clit. But again, another post in the future…

It may be a little messy when you pull out, though not too much. Get over it.
  • Reminder - You don't have to do it all in one night!
The first attempt may be simply that... an attempt, a fact-finding mission. You may only get as far as fingers in this session, and that needs to be okay with you. Adding the extra emotional pressure of your disappointment in the receiver's abilities will often ensure that he/she feels that disappointment before the next session even begins. It's a system for decreasing returns. Take on that however far you get is GREAT! And then take steps to encourage additional results in the future, like training, lube, or additional communication.

With planning, patience, and sensitivity, anal sex can be a wonderful experience for everyone involved!

M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved -

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