Tuesday, May 22, 2012

E-Dating Don'ts - #2 Don't be a pest.

Do NOT keep contacting someone every day after they've told you they'll get back to you soon.

He contacts me at 9 AM on Wednesday, but his profile is incomplete and I tell him so. He apologizes, finishes his profile and messages me again, and again, and again, finally asking if I've run away after reading it.
My response:
"No, I've been extremely busy living my life! I probably won't see your profile until Saturday. Have a wonderful end to the work week!"

He apologizes for being a pest, but he's just so excited and hopes I'll get back to him soon.

On Thursday, he messages me again, and again, and again. Ever single time I receive his message, I am reminded of something that I still have to do in the future, and it takes my focus away from whatever I'm currently doing in the present.

My final response: 
"I told you I'm busy. I told you I'd get to your profile ON SATURDAY and get back to you. Today is FRIDAY. Every single time you send me yet another message, even a small one, you are showing me that you DIDN'T LISTEN, and that you can't respect boundaries. You're doing the adult male version of, "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom! Mom!! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

Accordingly, thanks for helping me come to a decision about my interest in you. Thank you, and no, I'm not interested. Have a lovely weekend and good luck finding exactly what you seek on OKC!"

NOW - I have to apologize to the offending suitor. It may not be that he doesn't respect boundaries, only that he's overly enthusiastic, and not exercising the requisite self-control to keep it in check. My mistake. I'm totally sticking by Didn't Listen, however.

DO listen to the other person's response, and honor their timeline.

If someone says that they're busy and will get to your message on Saturday, do not message them again until Sunday.

If they say that they'll get back to you "soon," or using some other term that has no specific definition as a time period, wait at least one week before checking in again.

If you have checked in after a week, and you do not get a response, leave them alone. If they are interested, they will contact you. In the world of E-Dating, you are not entitled to closure.

Persistence is checking in every 2-4 weeks. Multiple emails to a total stranger each day is Being a Pest.


Copyright, M. Makael Newby, 2012 - All Rights Reserved

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