Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Vanilla Adventure

I only came to think of him as Vanilla after he started proudly chanting, "You like a Vanilla!" Before then he was just the guy I was dating, one with curiosity and some good instincts, if no previous D/s experience. And then he started calling me "Kitten," and it was all downhill from there.

"Downhill" in that I fell for him, fairly hard. "Fairly" in that I only got to see him every other week, due to his co-parenting responsibilities, that we knew we were coming to this relationship from disparate backgrounds (Him: old-fashioned Southern gentleman married for 19 years; Me: alternative sexuality educator, recently divorced after a short marriage), and that there was always a question of whether or not we'd find "enough" common ground.

Nonetheless, we're both what he calls "love bombs" - complete lovers and givers - and we co-created a feedback loop of sensual, loving touch, fully-expressed and adventurous sex, curiosity, open communication, and spoiling one another that transformed my experience of how a relationship could be. He gave me the chance to Allow myself to be spoiled by another, and to give completely to someone safe, and that is a gift. I hope he hasn't spoiled me TOO much. :)

You see, I expanded his horizons so much that when he recently visited his ex-GF, for the first time since we'd met, and told her all about us and our adventures, she at first recoiled. Then, she thought it was hot, and they ended up in bed together. (Which, on it's own, is so not a problem for me, though I'd have wished to know about that possibility in advance.) And now, rather than exploring his D/s potential with Me, he's going to investigate what's possible with Her. *sigh*

Now, to be fair, this happened on the very same day that I told him that I need to also date explicitly Dominant men to discover how much D/s I need. We were both sad, uncertain of whether or not his traditional mind could handle me romantically dating other men. Two hours later, however, he'd made his peace – so much so that he took me in front of the living room picture window in the most D/s sexual act we'd ever performed together! I was thrilled, and tingling for the rest of the day. I had renewed hope, and was VERY excited to continue our D/s experimentation together.

Alas, it seems that he'll be taking that experimentation elsewhere - not because HE wishes to stop seeing me, but because SHE cannot handle him seeing us both. They're wondering if the kind of openness and experimentation that I brought to his life is part of what was lacking between them before. He has to find out or he'll always wonder.

Here's the funny...

He now (finally) understands how someone could be poly.
If it hadn't been for me, he wouldn't be back together with her.

Accordingly, I'm sad. I love the man, and for the foreseeable future, I will miss not only his kisses and the addictive way that he touched me, but his laughter, his humor, his genuine caring, his insight and self-awareness, his generosity of spirit, and so much more.

AND, I'm very fulfilled in my mission. I got to BE an extraordinary, loving partner, and I got thoroughly loved and spoiled in return. Yay! I found (and encouraged) a lost dominant lamb, and led him back to the herd. He's just chosen another shepherdess, I suppose, and I thoroughly support his choice to follow his heart, even if that leads him away from me.

We both have investigation to do - apparently we'll be doing it separately. Losing "us" has created a big open space in my world. I choose to trust that the Universe has something even better on deck.

1 comment:

  1. Amazing how life twists and turns and spirals ... sounds like your lost lamb is rediscovering his inner lion ... and who knows what will happen next in this jungle of greater freedom ... thanks for sharing your journey ... sounds like some wonderful adventures along the way to who knows where ... : )