Excerpt from Hand Skills:
"The Rotating Twist – This is a two handed maneuver that can be executed with full palms or with single fingers and thumbs – adapt your method to the size of your partner. Grasping the shaft of the penis with both hands, wrists aligned, dominant hand on top of the other, rotate your wrists away, in opposite directions, as you slide up the shaft, until your wrists again align on the opposite side of the penis. Reverse direction and slide back down to the base. Repeat while varying speeds and the application of pressure (tight vs. loose)."
More hand, palm and finger tricks are available through the Web Store at www.mmakaelnewby.com!
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Full-Bodied Fellatio: Sensual Texture
Excerpt from Sensual Texture & Mouth Skills:
"Eye Contact – From the first moment you decide to share this experience, eye contact can be very hot. You can use flirty eyes, nasty eyes, demanding eyes - anything you choose to express yourself while your mouth is full. Sometimes it hurts my eyes to try to look up at his face while my mouth is occupied below, but the response is worth it. (Unless you are not allowed to make eye contact, in which case the hotness comes from obeying the rules.)"
Available through the Web Store at www.mmakaelnewby.com.
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
"Eye Contact – From the first moment you decide to share this experience, eye contact can be very hot. You can use flirty eyes, nasty eyes, demanding eyes - anything you choose to express yourself while your mouth is full. Sometimes it hurts my eyes to try to look up at his face while my mouth is occupied below, but the response is worth it. (Unless you are not allowed to make eye contact, in which case the hotness comes from obeying the rules.)"
Available through the Web Store at www.mmakaelnewby.com.
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Full-Bodied Fellatio: Communication
Pick only what most interests you... Each section of my Fellatio manual is available individually for $1.49 through my web store. Keep reading to learn a supportive way to communicate when your partner does something sexual that you don't enjoy.
Excerpt from Communication:
"If my goal is to provide pleasure, telling me what you enjoy only sets me up for success. And who doesn’t love succeeding?! Conversely, if you wish to pleasure me, telling you how to turn me on is a gift. It makes your life easier and reassures you that I don’t expect you to read my mind.
This applies to what is not working as well as what does. Now, be gentle! It’s very easy to take it personally when my efforts are not having the desired result. Let’s examine two approaches to correcting a partner who’s handling you in a way that you don’t like.
“Not like that!”
This response is vague. I know that I’ve done something you don’t like, but I’m not sure what part of what I’ve been doing is the culprit – was it my hands, my lips, did my hair get in the way, did you get scraped by my teeth... what? I’m left confused and possibly frustrated. I did something wrong, and I don’t know how to fix it. Let’s look at a softer approach.
“I like it when you lick the head of my cock instead of biting it, would you do that?”
This approach is kind, gentle, supportive, and clear! I know what I did that you don’t like – biting. Now I can avoid doing that in the future. I also know what you DO like – licking the head of your cock! I can do more of that! You also just praised me for licking you in the past, and I’m left empowered and appreciated. Which response do you think will get you a better blowjob?
(NOTE: If being corrected harshly or forced to fail is a turn-on, the above advice no longer applies!)"
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Excerpt from Communication:
"If my goal is to provide pleasure, telling me what you enjoy only sets me up for success. And who doesn’t love succeeding?! Conversely, if you wish to pleasure me, telling you how to turn me on is a gift. It makes your life easier and reassures you that I don’t expect you to read my mind.
This applies to what is not working as well as what does. Now, be gentle! It’s very easy to take it personally when my efforts are not having the desired result. Let’s examine two approaches to correcting a partner who’s handling you in a way that you don’t like.
“Not like that!”
This response is vague. I know that I’ve done something you don’t like, but I’m not sure what part of what I’ve been doing is the culprit – was it my hands, my lips, did my hair get in the way, did you get scraped by my teeth... what? I’m left confused and possibly frustrated. I did something wrong, and I don’t know how to fix it. Let’s look at a softer approach.
“I like it when you lick the head of my cock instead of biting it, would you do that?”
This approach is kind, gentle, supportive, and clear! I know what I did that you don’t like – biting. Now I can avoid doing that in the future. I also know what you DO like – licking the head of your cock! I can do more of that! You also just praised me for licking you in the past, and I’m left empowered and appreciated. Which response do you think will get you a better blowjob?
(NOTE: If being corrected harshly or forced to fail is a turn-on, the above advice no longer applies!)"
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Full-Bodied Fellatio: A Word About Pronouns
My Fellatio manual is finally available through my web store for only $9.49! The following several blogs will share small snippets from various sections of the manual to give you a tiny taste of what's there. Enjoy!
A Word About Pronouns:
"In this document, I will refer to the receiver with masculine pronouns like He or Him, and to the giver as She and Her. This is in no way meant to exclude male-bodied givers, or female-bodied persons who identify with masculine gender. The majority of these techniques also apply to the act of blowing strap-on penises, in which case intention is of paramount importance."
Do you automatically assume a particular gender association when you meet someone? Who do you know who might prefer a different gender pronoun?
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
A Word About Pronouns:
"In this document, I will refer to the receiver with masculine pronouns like He or Him, and to the giver as She and Her. This is in no way meant to exclude male-bodied givers, or female-bodied persons who identify with masculine gender. The majority of these techniques also apply to the act of blowing strap-on penises, in which case intention is of paramount importance."
Do you automatically assume a particular gender association when you meet someone? Who do you know who might prefer a different gender pronoun?
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Monday, May 2, 2011
Relationships in Song
I began my college career studying musical theatre and it remains one of my great joys in life. Alas, I'm not a great actor! Nonetheless, I still listen to the soundtracks and have lately been noticing songs that tell relationship stories. Here are a few of them:
Analysis, Angst, and Hope?
"Now - Later - Soon" from Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler's 1973 masterpiece A Little Night Music gives us an ear into the personal musings of three family members. Fredrik, husband and father, wonders, as only an attorney can, whether or not he should attempt to ravish his young, and still virginal, wife, or just take a nap. Henrik, his son, a seminary student who's only a year older than his new step-mother, laments the fear that his life will never truly begin, and Anne, Fredrik's bride, hopes that soon she'll come to desire her dear, if old, husband. A song of four sections, each character has a solo, the lyrics and melody of which finally overlap into a full and luscious layering of passion unrequited and unexpressed. Beautiful.
20/20 Hindsight.
"I Know Him So Well" from Chess presents a duet between the wife and mistress of the top-ranked international chess player. Each has fallen for him, and - looking back - can see that he was never a one-woman man. But they fell first, and now here they are, falling apart. Someday I'll perform this duet, I swear! It's a gorgeous moment of recognition.
Flirting!
"Light my Candle" from the award-winning musical RENT allows us to listen in on the first introduction between the characters of Roger, a struggling composer and rocker, and Mimi, an erotic dancer. Mimi playfully walks the line between flirting and seduction, and leaves Roger bewildered and wanting more. What fun!
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Analysis, Angst, and Hope?
"Now - Later - Soon" from Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler's 1973 masterpiece A Little Night Music gives us an ear into the personal musings of three family members. Fredrik, husband and father, wonders, as only an attorney can, whether or not he should attempt to ravish his young, and still virginal, wife, or just take a nap. Henrik, his son, a seminary student who's only a year older than his new step-mother, laments the fear that his life will never truly begin, and Anne, Fredrik's bride, hopes that soon she'll come to desire her dear, if old, husband. A song of four sections, each character has a solo, the lyrics and melody of which finally overlap into a full and luscious layering of passion unrequited and unexpressed. Beautiful.
20/20 Hindsight.
"I Know Him So Well" from Chess presents a duet between the wife and mistress of the top-ranked international chess player. Each has fallen for him, and - looking back - can see that he was never a one-woman man. But they fell first, and now here they are, falling apart. Someday I'll perform this duet, I swear! It's a gorgeous moment of recognition.
Flirting!
"Light my Candle" from the award-winning musical RENT allows us to listen in on the first introduction between the characters of Roger, a struggling composer and rocker, and Mimi, an erotic dancer. Mimi playfully walks the line between flirting and seduction, and leaves Roger bewildered and wanting more. What fun!
M. Makael Newby, 2011 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Inquiring Into Female Desire
As you can tell from the previous article, female desire is quite an issue today in the world of human sexuality. What you may not realize is that there are multiple camps of thought - some that promote the creation of a "pink viagra" and others arguing that it's all mental and emotional. And between these camps and many other, much (as one author puts it) academic cat-fighting.
This blog, which I recommend reading, makes a good point that some of the causes of modern FSD (Female Sexual Dysfunction) are sociocultural. To quote:
She also makes a smart review of the attitudes toward women's sexuality during the middle ages and Victorian Era, providing a chilling measure of context. Ultimately, research on multiple fronts will be necessary. Now, who'll fund it?
Again, I offer this link, to an article reviewing several researchers' theories of the human sexual response cycle.
M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
This blog, which I recommend reading, makes a good point that some of the causes of modern FSD (Female Sexual Dysfunction) are sociocultural. To quote:
She also makes a smart review of the attitudes toward women's sexuality during the middle ages and Victorian Era, providing a chilling measure of context. Ultimately, research on multiple fronts will be necessary. Now, who'll fund it?
Again, I offer this link, to an article reviewing several researchers' theories of the human sexual response cycle.
M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
Monday, April 25, 2011
Orgasm - Sometimes Those Who Can, Teach.
Once a month, I attend a luncheon gathering for local members of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). Some of us who attend are not official members, but we all work within this general field. We are Sexologists, Psychologists, Psychotherapists, and Coaches of various specialties, and we have the most fascinating discussions!
October of 2010's discussion centered around working with clients who have difficulty becoming orgasmic, and I learned so much that I thought I'd share it with you.
Some of the challenges that we discussed involved male clients (no names ever mentioned) who could achieve an erection alone, but not with a partner; female clients who feel arousal but just can't reach orgasm; and female clients who can't seem to identify anything that arouses them. One of the challenges identified for clients who cannot reach orgasm is the intense desire TO reach orgasm, and the part that societal expectations play in nourishing that anxious desire.
In a culture where we are reinforced from an early age, through media and popular dialogue, that successful sex ends in orgasm (preferably simultaneous) for both partners, the person unable to reach orgasm can experience a lot of pressure. Not only may there be external pressure - EX: a reflected sense of self from the other partner, such as 'my partner feels like a poor lover if I do not cum' - but also internal pressure - EX: 'there's something wrong with me if I do not cum.'
Add to this a culture in which the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sex are not often openly discussed, particularly during our youth, when our bodies and expectations are rapidly developing, and you've got a recipe for misunderstanding and anxiety. Any thoughts of how sex Should Be, beyond 'consensual and enjoyable for all partners', is limiting. What to do?
Some of the discussed solutions involved embracing a focus on Pleasure... on enjoying the process rather than chasing a particular outcome. This is, of course, easy to say, but perhaps not as easy to actualize when one has never had an orgasm. Some questions we might ask such a client are, "When are you IN your body?" or "What is a successful sexual experience to you?" As a relationship coach, I would also want to ask, "What do you perceive as a successful sexual experience for your partner?" and then determine if there was an open two-way channel of communication about that perception.
Therapist David Reed's model of the erotic pathway was raised, which includes the following four stages: Seduction, Sensation, Surrender, and Reflection. To quote an article on Human Sexual Response Cycles, "During the stage of surrender we can experience orgasm. According to Reed, orgasm requires momentarily surrendering and giving up control. It requires us to take our mind off our performance or to stop "spectatoring." To experience orgasm requires us to stop worrying about how we look or smell, or about making too much noise, or about whether we are going to have a bowel or bladder accident. It also requires trust of ourselves and of our partner if we are with a partner."
For those of us who live largely in our minds rather than our bodies, this can pose an additional challenge. Although still illegal, marijuana has been known to help people get out of their heads and into their bodies, thus facilitating such a release of control, and this raises the topic of the biochemistry of an orgasm.
Apparently, orgasm is dependent on a spike in the neurotransmitter Serotonin. Anxiety is known to crash serotonin levels, so it's no surprise that worrying makes an orgasm less likely. Marijuana use facilitates the output of serotonin, but, if used daily, can establish a new "normal" within the brain. This is not unlike the Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor (SSRI) family of drugs, such as Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft, among others, which create an even level of serotonin in the brain, and which may point to why so many people self-medicate for depression and anxiety with marijuana.
The problem here is that we need a serotonin spike to achieve orgasm, which is simply not possible when the brain's level of serotonin has been artificially raised. Et voila - SSRIs and chronic marijuana use often lead to loss of libido and/or sexual dysfunction.
Regarding clients challenged with basic arousal, we might ask them to speculate on the wide variety of arousal vectors - visual, audible, taste, smell, tactile, fantasy, and/or contextual, among others. At this point we must also consider the common differences between the ways in which men and women gain access to arousal. While my husband may merely need to look at me as a sexual object to find something arousing, I need to experience an emotional and physical connection in order to even begin to get into 'the mood.' Breathing, energy and connection-based exercises such as those found in Tantric practices can help women and men who first need that kind of experience to gain access to their physical arousal.
Additionally, for a client who just can't seem to get there, and for whom the mental/emotional process is healthy, many of us would recommend experimentation with various types of stimulation. Fingers are great, and there's so much more. Sex toys, dildos of different densities, vibrators, G-spot and prostate stimulators, butt plugs... until you've tried them, who knows which one might suddenly light your fire?!
Lastly, there's the importance of drilling down to the underlying issue or concern. Many a client who states, "I want to have an orgasm," may have a deeper desire that is more directly addressed. With such a client we might ask, "What would make an orgasm possible for you?" Perhaps it's trust, safety, anonymity, or another aspect that, if not distinguished, could continue to make that very orgasm an uncomfortable impossibility.
Wishing you great orgasms!
Additional Reference: Betty Dodson, Orgasm Doctor
Article of Interest: HBO options a controversial book about one young woman's quest for an orgasm.
M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
October of 2010's discussion centered around working with clients who have difficulty becoming orgasmic, and I learned so much that I thought I'd share it with you.
Some of the challenges that we discussed involved male clients (no names ever mentioned) who could achieve an erection alone, but not with a partner; female clients who feel arousal but just can't reach orgasm; and female clients who can't seem to identify anything that arouses them. One of the challenges identified for clients who cannot reach orgasm is the intense desire TO reach orgasm, and the part that societal expectations play in nourishing that anxious desire.
In a culture where we are reinforced from an early age, through media and popular dialogue, that successful sex ends in orgasm (preferably simultaneous) for both partners, the person unable to reach orgasm can experience a lot of pressure. Not only may there be external pressure - EX: a reflected sense of self from the other partner, such as 'my partner feels like a poor lover if I do not cum' - but also internal pressure - EX: 'there's something wrong with me if I do not cum.'
Add to this a culture in which the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sex are not often openly discussed, particularly during our youth, when our bodies and expectations are rapidly developing, and you've got a recipe for misunderstanding and anxiety. Any thoughts of how sex Should Be, beyond 'consensual and enjoyable for all partners', is limiting. What to do?
Some of the discussed solutions involved embracing a focus on Pleasure... on enjoying the process rather than chasing a particular outcome. This is, of course, easy to say, but perhaps not as easy to actualize when one has never had an orgasm. Some questions we might ask such a client are, "When are you IN your body?" or "What is a successful sexual experience to you?" As a relationship coach, I would also want to ask, "What do you perceive as a successful sexual experience for your partner?" and then determine if there was an open two-way channel of communication about that perception.
Therapist David Reed's model of the erotic pathway was raised, which includes the following four stages: Seduction, Sensation, Surrender, and Reflection. To quote an article on Human Sexual Response Cycles, "During the stage of surrender we can experience orgasm. According to Reed, orgasm requires momentarily surrendering and giving up control. It requires us to take our mind off our performance or to stop "spectatoring." To experience orgasm requires us to stop worrying about how we look or smell, or about making too much noise, or about whether we are going to have a bowel or bladder accident. It also requires trust of ourselves and of our partner if we are with a partner."
For those of us who live largely in our minds rather than our bodies, this can pose an additional challenge. Although still illegal, marijuana has been known to help people get out of their heads and into their bodies, thus facilitating such a release of control, and this raises the topic of the biochemistry of an orgasm.
Apparently, orgasm is dependent on a spike in the neurotransmitter Serotonin. Anxiety is known to crash serotonin levels, so it's no surprise that worrying makes an orgasm less likely. Marijuana use facilitates the output of serotonin, but, if used daily, can establish a new "normal" within the brain. This is not unlike the Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor (SSRI) family of drugs, such as Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft, among others, which create an even level of serotonin in the brain, and which may point to why so many people self-medicate for depression and anxiety with marijuana.
The problem here is that we need a serotonin spike to achieve orgasm, which is simply not possible when the brain's level of serotonin has been artificially raised. Et voila - SSRIs and chronic marijuana use often lead to loss of libido and/or sexual dysfunction.
Regarding clients challenged with basic arousal, we might ask them to speculate on the wide variety of arousal vectors - visual, audible, taste, smell, tactile, fantasy, and/or contextual, among others. At this point we must also consider the common differences between the ways in which men and women gain access to arousal. While my husband may merely need to look at me as a sexual object to find something arousing, I need to experience an emotional and physical connection in order to even begin to get into 'the mood.' Breathing, energy and connection-based exercises such as those found in Tantric practices can help women and men who first need that kind of experience to gain access to their physical arousal.
Additionally, for a client who just can't seem to get there, and for whom the mental/emotional process is healthy, many of us would recommend experimentation with various types of stimulation. Fingers are great, and there's so much more. Sex toys, dildos of different densities, vibrators, G-spot and prostate stimulators, butt plugs... until you've tried them, who knows which one might suddenly light your fire?!
Lastly, there's the importance of drilling down to the underlying issue or concern. Many a client who states, "I want to have an orgasm," may have a deeper desire that is more directly addressed. With such a client we might ask, "What would make an orgasm possible for you?" Perhaps it's trust, safety, anonymity, or another aspect that, if not distinguished, could continue to make that very orgasm an uncomfortable impossibility.
Wishing you great orgasms!
Additional Reference: Betty Dodson, Orgasm Doctor
Article of Interest: HBO options a controversial book about one young woman's quest for an orgasm.
M. Makael Newby, 2010 - All Rights Reserved - http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com
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